Pucker up piggies - we’re putting on lipstick north and south of the 49th

In recent months I’ve watched the drama surrounding the American election unfold, and with mere weeks to go before Americans hit the polls, I find myself wondering...what exactly are the key issues each party plans to address? So far I’ve been able to piece together 2 things - Sarah Palin is a foxy hockey mom who claims to have a lovely view of Russia from her front porch while Barrack Obama promises to impose a ban on the application of lipstick for citizens of pig-like proportions.

I’ve always been under the impression that the lead up to any election should be a time for political parties to bring their A-game and pitch their platform to the voting public. Yet, once again the mud slinging and scandals have taken over and I have to admit, it all makes for a sexier campaign. After all, controversy is what captures the public's attention, which is why many Canadians are completely unaware that we too are about to vote in a federal election.

A federal election in Canada is about as exciting as a game of curling (can you believe they televise that shit!?)...until now. Finally some dirt is beginning to surface and it’s completely turned my attention away from the US and onto what really matters. Like, the fact that candidates from both the Liberal and NDP parties have been engaged in naked protests, drugs and sexy time. Its-a niiiice, I-a liiiike.

You have one NDP (formerly Green) candidate who was charged with dropping his gear and requesting that a group of minors ‘body paint him all over’. Charming. Then you have a Liberal candidate who previously posed as Lady Godiva - naked - on horse back in a protest against logging on Saltspring Island. Come on Godiva, a few large scale hotels and casinos aren’t going to impact the island’s ecosystem that much. I kid, i kid.

Bottom line, our election is finally gaining momentum thanks to some wanker candidates with a closet full of skeletons. My attention will only drift back to the US should either candidate make mention of the many American NAFTA breaches that have occurred over the years but it won’t...they’re too busy trying to determine whether Palin or her daughter gave birth to that baby. God bless America.

Canada votes October 14.