Fashion Faux Possums

At the ripe ol' age of 30, I'm feeling much too young to be reliving some of the worst fashion trends known to man, but alas, it’s happening. I remember when I bought my first pair of ‘flare’ jeans circa 1994 and my mom saying ‘I wore those when I was your age’. At the time the 70’s seemed ancient, so that comment had merit. Today, however, as I sit in my sky rise apartment perched over the city cringing over the sight of slouchy boots, spandex and neon I can’t help but feel a touch archaic. Ugh.

It’s true that trends can come back full circle, sometimes they make as many comebacks as Cher’s farewell tour. However, that doesn’t mean they should. Over the past few weeks I have endured a few fashion WTF’s that I couldn’t help but share.

The big belt. This is nothing new possums, as we’ve seen this accessory sneak it’s way back into our closets a few times. But must we put a belt on EVERYTHING? Never mind the ring, if you like it then ya shoulda put a belt on it kids because you cannot escape the little cinchers. In one afternoon of shopping, I swear the words “you should throw a belt on it” escaped the mouths of several relentless retailers. It got so bad that during my final stop, I could see an unsuspecting staffer approaching in my peripheral as I slipped out of the change room sporting a summery shift. Before she could manage a word, I interrupted and said ‘let me guess, I should totally throw a belt on it?’ The look of disgust this gal gave me. Priceless.

Just this past weekend I was again blind sided by another trend I thought for sure died with my big hair and risky business Ray-bans. The scrunchie. Yes ladies, it’s back. I have no idea at what capacity...perhaps it’s just a blip? Either way, this is something we simply should not support. Just say no to the stretchy bow. Boycott the scrunchie! I was so appalled, I captured a photo of the fashion catastrophe.

It’s all reminiscent of a popular Sex and the City episode that epitomizes the essence of the scrunchie. You might remember it.

Scrunch out. Keep it scrunchie.
x

Since when are spandex pants sexy?

I wear them, you wear them. Guy or gal, you don’t find many Vancouverites without an article of clothing from Lululemon in their closet. It’s just not west coast. Perhaps it’s inhuman, or surely unheard of? This carefully marketed collection of glorified exercise pants and over priced hoodies remains popular with its multi-national franchise continuously expanding with no end in sight. What I want to know is – what’s their secret?

The urban myth that every gal’s backside looks good in ‘Lulus’ is simply not so people. For example, uber skinny gals with little or no buttocks do not look good in Lulus. The pants do not have magical powers that lift and inflate your gluts to perky proportions. Nope. In addition, gals with ghetto booties should also steer clear of the spanky spandex, as once again this is not a flattering look for you either. So who wins? I’ll tell you who, founder and Vancouver-based yoga enthusiast Chip Wilson, that’s who.

Good on him, I mean, I’m not slagging the guy for developing a successful business. What boggles my mind are the brilliant marketing campaigns that have arose as a result of the Lulu phenomenon. I dig their sustainability efforts and handy, reusable bags, notably the first of many companies to adopt this very tactic. Wilson even engaged in a rather clever PR stunt, emerging from a coffin last week during a press conference to announce his charity event Chip’s Not Dead Yet, raising funds for BC Children’s Hospital. Very clever Chippy.

However, I find it worrisome that people will wear these painted on pantaloons out to dinner, at nice restaurants no less. Wha? Not acceptable. This only gives Torontonians and Montréalers more ammo when dissing us west coasters for our lack of style. Deux pouces vers le bas.

Thus, I’d like to make a public plea – rock your Lulus responsibly; for physical fitness purposes only.

And with that possums, I’d like to share with you Madonna’s latest video, Give it to Me featuring Pharrell Williams, as leaked to the net this past week…and it’s hot. Damn Madge, you are one fierce 50 year old.