Move aside sightseer cuz I will run you down

Tourists. Turistas if you like. Good people, for the most part, who have traveled from near and far to visit our fair city. They boost the local economy and contribute to Vancouver’s already diverse culture. Summertime tends to be the turistas favorite time to visit, given our pleasant yet mild weather and unbeatable scenery. I rather enjoy these said turistas, however they do pose a problemo for locals like me who enjoy an evening jog on the city’s seawall.

There is no better way to blow off steam than a run on our fabulous seawall at sun set as the blue herons take flight and silhouettes of inukshuks appear along the waters edge. It’s almost an infomercial people. However, just as your pace gains momentum, you are stopped abruptly as lookie-loos stroll slowly, weaving about with no regard to who’s running up behind them. You can try shouting an assertive ‘pardon me’, or, ‘behind you’ but this doesn’t always help as not all turistas speak-a ingrish. I completely appreciate the allure to stroll in this area, but it’s becoming increasingly difficult for us runners. We have a lane for cyclists and rollerbladers - why can we not have a lane dedicated to lookie-loos that is separate from the runners? A fast lane if you will.

Thus, I have decided to submit a patent application for what I’m calling the Runner Ringer. When runners are approaching the unsuspecting lookie-loo turistas, they simply ring the bell – loudly and vigorously – until the turistas kindly move to the side. This may take time to catch on, therefore I will include an instruction manual with helpful phrases to use whilst using the Runner Ringer, i.e. ‘MOVE’, ‘GET OUT OF THE WAY’, ‘REMOVE YOUR SMALL CHILDREN OR CONSIDER THEM ROADKILL’, and similar phrases of that nature. That way, the turistas have a clear sense of what the Runner Ringer is for until it has caught on as commonly as a police siren. Gesturing to the turistas to ‘pull over’ in a sense.

I think this will alleviate my frustrations and the frustrations of my fellow runners and moreover put an end to the Ludacris song ‘Move Bitch, Get Out the Way’ that rings perpetually in my head.

Happy strolling possums. xx