Attack of the killer brellies

I’m a Vancouverite, therefore my knowledge around the fine etiquette of umbrella usage is second to none. It’s animal instinct, a sixth sense if you will. If you live in Vancouver or have visited during the winter months you know what I’m on about.

I have no problem with the rain, because a) at least it’s not snowing and b) it’s snowing on the ski hill. I am also a big fan of fashion wellies, which are once again, in style this season. Thank Buddha. My beef, dear possums, is with the folks who can’t seem to figure out the unspoken rules around maneuvering through our busy city avec umbrella. Following a minor incident between myself and a militant man walking down Robson with his golf umbrella today, might I share with you...

The Urban Cowgirl’s 5 Steps to Umbrella Safety

1) Allow umbrella-free folks access to awnings. Some people take a gamble on mother nature and nix umbrellas all together. These people are either new in town or mentally disabled in some way. I digress, give them the awnings if you’re strutting about with a brellie. What do you need anyway, double the coverage? It’s rain people, not an air strike.

2) Much like driving down the street, stay on your own side of the sidewalk. Ditto for your umbrella. Be mindful of your fellow foot traffickers and make room for one another. Don’t lunge at me with your weather weapon. You don’t drive down the middle of the street, same goes for walking with a brellie.

3) When opening your wet umbrella among a crowd, try to avoid spraying your fellow citizens in the face. Just today a gal got off the bus in front of me and opened her soaking wet brellie, showering me with all the goodness that is Vancouver’s liquid sunshine. It’s not a wet t-shirt contest. I’m just trying to get home lady.

4) Brellie thieving. Believe it or not folks, this is a serious issue in our city. I’ll admit, if push came to shove (i.e. I was out on the town and didn’t want to dampen my hairdo) I would resort to this low level thievery myself. However, we do live in a rain forest...be prepared. Pack your brellie just in case.

5) When traipsing about in the rain with friends, either share your brellie or travel in single file. It’s no fun to break through a cluster of brellie clad people, only to be mildly maimed on your way through.

Summer is just a few months away possums, so until then be mindful of your brellie conduct. Look alive...you never know when you could be under attack.